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E3: The Secret Message of Microsoft’s Press Pass


Being Los Angelians, we noticed a few peculiarities in Microsoft’s attempt to create a unique press pass. Users first turn the front dial to find places in and around E3 to “shop, eat, stay” and “play“. Once a suitable location is found, the user then turns the pass over to find the directions to the associated business. It’s like a big decoder ring, worn around the neck, to ward off booth babes. Most of the activities center around the legal, however two could allow you to extend your stay in Los Angeles indefinitely:

– As a location to “Play“, Microsoft suggests Pershing Square. Yes, that place where the late Brad Renfo and 70’s singer Leif Garret were both caught buying heroin. Just a stone’s throw from Skid Row, try coming down there after dark for an experience much scarier than anything Resident Evil 5 can offer.

– Like to “Shop“? Microsoft suggests the Toy District, which offers six square blocks of bootleg DVDs, 7200-in-One Pirate NES TV Games, and overpriced mod chips. It’s a proverbial pirate’s paradise everywhere you look.

Instead of these options, we would like to offer our out-of-town colleagues the following legal alternatives:

– Just a few short blocks from the convention center is the Los Angeles Gun Club. With a buddy, about $40 and an ID, any non-felon can enjoy an air-conditioned 50 foot indoor gun range.  Is there a better way to see if all those virtual guns you’ll fire over the next 72 hours mirror real-world accuracy.

– If firearms aren’t your thing, why not hop on the Red Line Subway, and head over to Hollywood and Vine. There you can peruse Amoeba‘s amazing collection of vinyl, used and new Cd’s, and DVDs. (There’s even a few used games upstairs) Then the discriminating cinemaphile can take in a film at the Arclight Dome. Doesn’t your conscious feel better already?

About Robert Allen

With over 35 years of gaming experience, Robert 'DesertEagle' Allen is Tech-Gaming's resident worrier/warrior who spends his days teaching at three colleges and his nights devoted to JRPGs.

54 comments

  1. Don’t forget Santa Monica Blvd. where you can find some hookers. Only make sure they don’t have an Adam’s Apple if you know what I mean.

  2. Funny, shit. You had me rolling!

  3. Great, I can’t believe MS made those suggestion. Why not thai messages with happy endings!

  4. Damn, I can’t believe M$ suggested a place to score a cheap fix.

  5. Score me one of those pirate NES systems. The one I bought at the mall broke 15 minutes after I bought it.

    I think to avoid copyright infringement they altered Mario Bros, so that Mario is pink now.

  6. No Crying Games at E3.

  7. Uh, why pay $40 to fire guns? Seems expensive.

  8. If you’re like DesertEagle you fire both your rifle and your gun at the same time. It makes a mess, but it’s what gets him through the day.

  9. Brad Renfro is dead? Jeez, that’s sad.

  10. Being at E3 should be more than enough for anyone.

  11. Who’s Brad Renfro? Never heard of him.

  12. Great shit. I can’t believe that!

  13. Looks like a spinning blade.

  14. Apt Pupil, Sleepers?

  15. That and Hometown Buffet, cheap games, and lots of page views.

  16. Booth babe repellent FTW!

  17. Never saw/heard of those. Should I have?

  18. Apparently Microsoft wants to kill as many people as possible. Don’t trust them!

  19. Thumbs up for hollywood amoeba.

  20. im sure you can cut some pizza w/ that wheel.

  21. That pizza would be hard to cut.

  22. It’s an interesting pass, at least.

  23. It’s a nice effort, but I’m surprised the lanyard itself is free from any markings.

  24. You haven’t played Guitar Hero, until you’ve played Guitar 3 on heroin!

  25. Shit, I almost got mugged near Pershing Square about four years ago while visiting Los Angeles. That place in no laughing matter. Its a combination of junkies, homeless, prostitutes, and the mentally ill. You know, a perfect cross-section of LA.

  26. Buy me a bootleg of the new Batman film, plz!

  27. I thought everyone knew to stay away from Pershing Sq/Skid Row. Unless you want aids or something

  28. How could anyone dislike this article? Great job, DesertEagle.

  29. I saw a Skid Row piece on Anderson Cooper’s 360. I think LA/California/federal government should invest more on mental health and drug addiction treatment instead of throwing them in jail (so long as its a non-violent crime).

    Anyways, maybe I’ll win that Microsoft Press Pass in the free swag contest!

  30. at least it’s unique…..

  31. Looks pretty nifty but…yeah. It’s odd that it directs you to those places.

  32. Amen, brother!

    Skid Row is a really sad place.

  33. nice!

  34. lol i was amused

  35. That looks stupid

  36. It’s a booth babe repellant!

  37. Sorry, but there’s no Chainsaw Lancer at the LA Gun Club. hah.

  38. WOWIE I want my decoder ring…substitute…

  39. You forgot to inform the public of the SPECIAL SECRET MESSAGE the press pass includes.

    If you turn it a certain way it says: DRINK YOUR OVALTINE!!!

  40. haha this gave me a few good chuckles

  41. Nothing is better than heroin, bootleg electronics, and assault rifles.

  42. Overpriced mod chips don’t sound like fun. :/

  43. That’s kinda cool

  44. You should hit up GameDude if you get the chance. Gamer’s heaven.

  45. I hope I win!

    RE5 is nothing, try Fatal Frame in your cold, dark basement at 12 am :'(

  46. wow thats crazy

  47. Wow thats wild.

  48. Wow really? Why cant they just hand out a guide with more information.

  49. Heh, nice. I liked the part where you said being out after dark is scarier than any moment in RE5. 🙂

  50. Micro$oft should make the press pass look like the Ring of Death.

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