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Tooth, Nail, and Tail- Eat Them! Review


The remedy for my minimum wage/teenage-rage malaise was found in an unlikely source: the 1986 Bally-Midway arcade game, Rampage. Long before Fight Club explored the roots of discontent within the young male psyche, the game demonstrated that leveling skyscrapers, punching subway cars, and chomping on innocent bystanders could offer a cathartic alternative to any real-world yearnings for petty vandalism. Although the game’s trio of mutants tried to remain relevant in subsequent years, Lizzie, Ralph, and George were unable to make a graceful transition into the third dimension- leaving a large gap in the “giant monsters who rip shit up”, genre.

Advantageously, a few of the developers at Bristol-based FuzzyLogic (Savage Moon) understand the notion that wanton destruction can be astonishingly therapeutic. The studio’s recent downloadable title, Eat Them! offers players the opportunity to transform into a ninety-foot tall behemoths tasked with leveling a series of urban landscapes. Mimicking the wanton devastation of a Godzilla film, gamers have the ability to stomp buildings, swat at helicopters, and eat as many fleeing humans as possible while evading an increasingly agitated military force. While these sequences are as satisfying as they are simple, they are inexplicably supplemented with requisite races, which feel as superfluous as the 2005 King Kong remake.


Eat Them! is most effective when the game keeps things focused on obliteration; the best stages either give players three minutes or a single life to create a such senseless mayhem as possible. Even the sporadic escort missions are fun thanks to the nefarious objectives, such as assisting a throng of orange-jumpsuit-clad prisoners escape from the city penitentiary. To prohibit the pandemonium from turning into tedium, the title requires each monster to nourish their rapid dwindling power meter. By following the directive issued by the game’s moniker, beasts can chomp on any nearby citizens with a press of the R2 button. Regrettably, Eat Them! simulates the ineptness of an outstretched tentacle- it’s not uncommon to reach into a group of helpless citizens  and come up empty. Likewise, the title’s target reticule is a bit wonky- the cursor doesn’t always indicate the trajectory of your ordnance.

Of course, when the aforementioned races are required of players, one of the game’s best conventions is inverted. Instead of attempting to create the largest financial burden possible on each municipality, monsters are compelled to instigate as little collateral damage as possible; initiating too much destruction results in an automatic fail, castrating the game’s behemoths of their inalienable right to annihilate. Worse, these sequences aren’t much fun, expecting players to sprint across undersized regions- part of the challenge comes from identifying the next waypoint buried under the game’s user interface.


Perseverance on both the good and middling stages can result in a bronze, silver, or gold medal- with the top ranks unlocking additional monster parts. Along with the game’s selection of pre-configured creatures, players can create their own monstrosities from a robust selection of heads, torsos, arms, legs, and backs. Recalling a simplified version of Armored Core, each body part revises the weight, power, and durability of your monster, encouraging gamers to create specialized fiends for each type of game event. Impressively, this Frankenstein-like approach to creature construction doesn’t result in visual monstrosities- each cell-shaded appendage matches the game’s comic book inspired aesthetics. Although Eat Them! offers a local multiplayer component for up to four players, the title’s framerate can slow drastically.

While Eat Them! confidently satisfies the urge to crush cityscapes, a few rough edges and design designs detract from the title’s impish intentions. Although players obsessed with obliteration are likely to looks past the title’s problems, other potential purchasers may want to wait for a price drop before committing to this distinct title.

About Robert Allen

With over 35 years of gaming experience, Robert 'DesertEagle' Allen is Tech-Gaming's resident worrier/warrior who spends his days teaching at three colleges and his nights devoted to JRPGs.

26 comments

  1. Deagle, I think you are much too smart for your own good. This was one intense review.

  2. Looks like Calling All Cars graphical style.

  3. How much is it? $5 and I’ll take the plunge.

  4. Sound pretty cool. How many different monster parts are there?

    This is the one that came out a few weeks ago, right? Why the delay with the review?

  5. I look at this is least twice a week on the PSN, and ALMOST pull the trigger each time.

  6. I’m pretty sure it’s $10. Drop it to $6.00 (PSN+) or less and I’ll bite.

  7. F’ Yeah! Rampage ruled! I loved the game on the Master System.

  8. Yeah, that’s cell-shading. It was all the rage 5-10 years ago.

  9. You know alot of people rave about Rampage, but I’ve never seen what all the fuss was about. Every level you do the exact same thing. Punch, Punch punch.

  10. Ewww, I hate the graphics. Its one big eyesore. on black lines.

  11. thanks for commenting on the framerate. I was one video with 4 players playing at once and the game was like a slideshow.

    How is it with just a single player?

  12. good review. You write well. You wouldn’t want to join our site would you?

  13. Sony, why can’t you have demos for each and every game?!?!

  14. Why the hell didn’t they go back to making 2D Rampage games? This 3D stuff doesn’t work for this type of gameplay.

    Good review, BTW. Nice to know you were almost a hellraiser, Deagle.

  15. Deagle, where’s the Re:coded review? Thats what I want to know!

    Great review- always a great read.

  16. Really, they MAKE you race in the game, or are those optional events?

  17. You been listening to Dokken, Deagle?

  18. Good review, just three weeks behind schedule. Faster, Desert!

  19. Yep. $10 now. I’m waiting for a PSN sale so they can drop it to like $5.

    I know it has some problems. All the reviews kind of mention those, but it does sound fun.

  20. Seems alright. Good idea, maybe it needed a bit more time.

  21. Never played Rampage before. I guess I have to check the game out. I like breaking things.

  22. Yep, I wish there was a demo for this too.

    I heard mixed things. One site i red loved it, but a friend bought it and said it was really repetitive and pretty clunky.

    One question- Can you make flying monsters?

  23. I could get into a good game where monsters tears things up. I like doing that more than fighting other giant monsters.

  24. Metacritic score in the 60s even though same outlets gave the game a 80+

    I’ll probably stay away.

  25. Never heard of this game. Is it also for 360?

  26. I took the plunge and don’t regret it- pretty fun game.