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Sex in the City- BoneTown Review

I once had a film professor who taught me that the great thing about the porn industry is that it isn’t the film industry.  Both groups use similar tools – they point cameras at subjects interacting with one another on some level and their finished products tell some semblance of a story via a projected surface – but because of stigma attached to one another, the two schools tend not to freely exchange ideas with one another. She advised us that a truly great director could dissect a cheap porno, find a new idea, and exploit it to make a cinematic masterpiece.  Hold your horses, I’m not trying to tell you that a game called BoneTown can be reworked into a AAA franchise, but because of their completely backwards approach to game design, D-Dub Media has managed to make a genuinely unique, if not completely offensive, interactive experience.

But before I get into the peaks and valleys of BoneTown, let me address the questions that you are, no doubt, yelling at your screen right now: “Why are you reviewing porn?! I thought Tech-Gaming had standards!”   Yes, we do have standards; however I like to think that our standards are not necessarily bound by the ESRB. In my time with Tech-Gaming, I’ve reviewed AAA franchises, downloadable shooters, mission add-ons and mobile phone games. My tastes are varied, and I like to think that we support a well-rounded outlook on interactive entertainment. Besides, don’t act like you aren’t just a little bit interested.

BoneTown takes place on an island with no indecency laws, which basically means that you’re free to do whatever you want, wherever you want, as long as you don’t kill anybody while you’re doing it. BoneTown was an absolute paradise for that kid with the faded green beard and the ICP shirt that used to sit in the back of home room (you know the one I’m talking about), that is until The Man showed up and started arbitrarily enforcing ludicrous laws like “no fornicating in public.” Now it is up to you to you to stop The Man from trying to keep BoneTown down.

The plot serves as a loose framework to tether the mechanics together. The short-term goal is to sleep with as many beautiful women as you can, and to do that you’ll need to boost your reputation, represented as “ball size,” by completing various missions throughout BoneTown’s open world. There is a small variety of mission types that have you stealing NPC’s identities (a la MegaMan) talking to NPCs or delivering packages, but most just consist of running to Point B and beating someone up, which is a shame, because the 3 button combat is serviceable, but not exactly exciting. Once your reputation is high enough, you can court pretty much any woman in BoneTown with great success, as long as no agents of The Man are nearby.  “Macking” starts an extremely graphic sex minigame, in which you have to keep track of your rhythm and meter in order to please your lady before your stamina runs out. If you win, she leaves satisfied and your stats and reputation get a nice boost.  If you lose, you become a laughing stock, and you have to settle for the uglier, more easily pleased women of BoneTown until you can repair your public image.

D-Dub’s strategy of side-stepping the ESRB gave them the freedom to do more than just include graphic sex in their game. Not having to self-censor for the ratings board meant that the writers could explore some less publically acceptable avenues in their story telling. BoneTown never pulls its punches when it comes to racial or religious stereotypes, but some of the characters that they build from these preconceived notions, such as Uzi: the Jewish Redneck Conspiracy Theorist or a sex-crazed Tiger Woods clone, are unique and ironic enough to spawn a chuckle in spite of their horrible social indecency. As I said before, the story is fairly thin, but the voice cast, which I assume is made up almost entirely of porn stars, is actually not terrible when compared to a lot of contemporary JRPGs. A lot of the dialogue sounds adlibbed, which is very refreshing, although it does mean that every other word is a four letter one.

So am I suggesting that you play BoneTown? In a word: no, but I will say that I was surprised at just how average it was – and I mean that in a good way.  I’ve played a lot of games, and I can say that there are far worse titles out in the wild than this one. Everything about BoneTown lies somewhere between “serviceable” and “alright”; nothing is stellar, but nothing is really broken either, which is more than I can say for a lot of other games.  Given the subject matter, I am shocked that the development team managed to cobble together a solid product between bong hits and business lunches at the Lusty Lady. It was a nice pallet cleanser, and if D-Dub ever focuses their talent toward a more mainstream title, it will definitely be on my radar. Until then, “Better than BoneTown” will be the new gold standard for mediocre games. 


About Robert Allen

With over 35 years of gaming experience, Robert 'DesertEagle' Allen is Tech-Gaming's resident worrier/warrior who spends his days teaching at three colleges and his nights devoted to JRPGs.

57 comments

  1. I thought this was a April Fools joke at first.

  2. is that the Hedgehog in the top pic?

  3. Awesome review, NOLA. Very good.

  4. This is what the Bone franchise has stooped to 😉

    I’m glad you guys reviewed this. I don’t see IGN tackling it.

  5. JessicaSimpsonisHavingmyBaby

    I don’t get the point of this game. If I want to play, I’ll put of God of War 3, otherwise I’ll watch a porno.

  6. Much better than the movie about the four menopausal women trying to act like they are in their 20’s.

    You know how weird it would be if they made Sex in the City with men? Creepy!

  7. NOLA- I got to ask, did the GF know you were playing this? If so, what was her reaction?

  8. I might have to play this. Just not on the work PC of course.

    Price?

  9. Is this an MMO? I remember reading about this on Cock-taco. They said theres sex and drugs but no violence.

  10. So NOLA, what was your final score?

    I mean not the grade, but the number of women, men, and machines you boned?

  11. Can you be a pimp and make money? Is that all there is do, have sex?

  12. I’m almost embarrassed to ask but how do you decide what position you want?

  13. is the game truly open? Or can you have more the heterosexual sex?

  14. too bad this will never see a console release!

  15. it’s interactive.

  16. Adam, what’s your take on all this?

  17. whats the point of playing this is all the girls are just palette-swapped?

  18. Bravo for having the balls to review this. Reputation Power up!

  19. So many questions, but I don’t want to seem like a wierdo, so I’ll keep them to myself.

  20. Waffles For Supper

    WTF is this game, was my first reaction.

    Sean, why did you think the game was average? What could it have done better?

  21. Walker Texas Rapist

    can Desert be an androgynous blue-haired Japanese demonlord if he wants? And you know he will.

  22. Primal Ice Cream

    Can you get STD’s? Sort of like a poison status in a RPG.

  23. I think there’s violence, but no blood, if I recall.

  24. Better than Bonetown is the new 8.8.

  25. I doubt I’d ever play it, but great review SeanNOLA.

    I wish my teachers would talk about porn, or anything interesting.

  26. there is plenty of violence, but not really any blood. Beating people up is a big part of the game though.

  27. This is what I wanted the last Leisure Suit Larry to be.

  28. Everything about it was “acceptable”: the environments were cartoony but not overly detailed – you create a character at the start of the game, but all you really choose is the race – combat was not terribly deep, but it did it’s job, etc. Like I said in the review, nothing was broken, but nothing really blew me away either. Average.

  29. Phrank Phredreckson

    Just how naughty can you be?

  30. More like the new 6.5. Before I give a game a C, I’ll ask myself “was this game really better than BoneTown?”

  31. “but nothing really BLEW me away either”

    Hmmm, maybe you were playing it wrong 😉

  32. Eyes like Knives

    If it made that much of an impression on you, it’s probably worth a B- at least.

    What’s Deagle and Tides take on the game?

  33. I gave it to NOLA, as Walker has noted, I feel more comfortable with “androgynous blue-haired Japanese demon (over)lords” 🙂

  34. No that TNA wrestling game is better than Bonetown?

    I’m sure it is.

  35. She knew that I was reviewing a PC game, that was about it. I usually play my games while she’s at work (if it’s a portable game, I’ll also play on my lunch break, but playing BoneTown on my laptop in a park would probably get me arrested).

  36. Don’t you live in LA? I bet there’s someone playing on their laptop right now….

  37. I saw on the site they use Tiger Woods name for an expansion pack. How can they do that without getting sued?

    You’d think they’d have to call him Wiger Toods.

  38. Take sex out of the equation and no one would notice the game. It’s like they substituted GTA’s violence.

  39. If you reputation gets too low can you fail to perform? HAHAHA

  40. Congrats on being the next Kotaku. Enjoy the cheap hits.

  41. Is there a monthly fee or is it a regular game?

  42. It’s like Shenmue with Ben Wah balls should be the ad line.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/1073849/

  43. Is there a demo of this?

  44. I’m surprised no one has done this sooner.

  45. bad to the bone, thats what you are Nola.

  46. is that Cresente in the bottom screen?

    Any no- I’m not making the Ngai joke.

  47. Awful! Just awful. LOL

  48. Yep, I did think this review was beneath you guys.

  49. Great review, NOLA. Pretty funny.

  50. How much does it sell for?

  51. “The short-term goal is to sleep with as many beautiful women as you can, and to do that you’ll need to boost your reputation, represented as “ball size,” by completing various missions throughout BoneTown’s open world. “

    This is the funniest sentence I have read all week.

  52. RSS feed deleted. You guys are no better than the other sites like D-Toid that put stuff up just to get hits.

  53. Hilarious review. NOLA +1

  54. crazy game if you ask me.

  55. Honestly, I’d never play this. good review, though.

  56. I want to know how explicit this gets. Does it show motions or full on penetration?

  57. I saw a pic with a completely naked girl. No clothes on either.